This is beautiful and so true. Working an itinerant job, I've had many of these all too brief relationships when a friendship clicks on a deep level and then, after a year or so, they're gone. I am ever appreciative, though, for the moments - for the way they've shaped me - as you say, they are an eternity too.
I'd like to suggest that sometimes what really matters is less the duration of the stay than what is bound up in what they left behind. The enlargement of life we feel when some people are in our presence is, at least partially, a measure of our potential loss -- the pain we might feel as a result of having loved. Only partially because often, with distance, we find that some of that enlargement of life was permanent. Maybe even a lot of it and the sadness of that person's absence doesn't undo that. For example, my father died. He was the best man I've ever known and probably the best man i ever will know. Life means more because of what he gave to me and the fact that i can no longer talk with him for hours about things is melancholy but doesn't upset at all the fact that my world is bigger because he was in it. On the other hand, especially when, for example, we feel betrayed by a person, a sense of bitterness creeps in and attaches itself to all memories of them and to many other things that they were part of in our lives and that can be very hard to detach and very hard to live with. Being sad is not a particularly destructive feeling, being bitter, i think is. I think that bitterness can be almost surgically removed -- one of my two posts here on substack is about my experience doing just that. Is it gauche to link to things one has written? Possibly, but I'll do it anyway.
Everything you write on this substack is delicate and gorgeous. The aching near misses, the impossible crushes and the deep connections that ultimately come to nothing. These are such true and personal moments and we are lucky that you are able to capture them so exquisitely.
*sigh* These are the greatest heart breaks. The almosts, the what could have beens, that you had to let your heart let go.
Currently in it. Wanting to honour someones process but remain grounded in your worth is hard!
Giving you the biggest hug. The fact you know to let go even when it hurts is wonderful 🤍
I appreciate you!
This is soo beautiful, and it definitely cuts sharp and deep. Very well written! 🎶🤌🏽
Brilliant article - incredibly perceptive- my heart hurts just reading it ❤️
Beautifully written.
I have lived this...
Living it currrently, it's rough
This is beautiful and so true. Working an itinerant job, I've had many of these all too brief relationships when a friendship clicks on a deep level and then, after a year or so, they're gone. I am ever appreciative, though, for the moments - for the way they've shaped me - as you say, they are an eternity too.
Thank you for sharing.
I'd like to suggest that sometimes what really matters is less the duration of the stay than what is bound up in what they left behind. The enlargement of life we feel when some people are in our presence is, at least partially, a measure of our potential loss -- the pain we might feel as a result of having loved. Only partially because often, with distance, we find that some of that enlargement of life was permanent. Maybe even a lot of it and the sadness of that person's absence doesn't undo that. For example, my father died. He was the best man I've ever known and probably the best man i ever will know. Life means more because of what he gave to me and the fact that i can no longer talk with him for hours about things is melancholy but doesn't upset at all the fact that my world is bigger because he was in it. On the other hand, especially when, for example, we feel betrayed by a person, a sense of bitterness creeps in and attaches itself to all memories of them and to many other things that they were part of in our lives and that can be very hard to detach and very hard to live with. Being sad is not a particularly destructive feeling, being bitter, i think is. I think that bitterness can be almost surgically removed -- one of my two posts here on substack is about my experience doing just that. Is it gauche to link to things one has written? Possibly, but I'll do it anyway.
https://substack.com/@johnchutchins/note/p-182215303?r=1ppx1a&utm_medium=ios&utm_source=notes-share-action
The other thing, i guess, is to be sure one's own passing through can enlarge their lives or at least won't make them smaller.
Everything you write on this substack is delicate and gorgeous. The aching near misses, the impossible crushes and the deep connections that ultimately come to nothing. These are such true and personal moments and we are lucky that you are able to capture them so exquisitely.
Wow, what a compliment thank you so much! Thanks for taking the time to read
I came for Anthony Bourdain, stayed for the quality of the writing.