Digital Intimacies: My Notes On Social Media

My attempts to reevaluate.

There’s a part of me that wants to disappear.
Not in a dramatic, vanishing-act way - just… off-grid. Quiet.

Like a ghost with good taste. A person who doesn’t need the internet to feel real.

But there’s clearly another part of me, just as strong, that wants to be seen.
I live in that tension. To share a photo, a playlist - simply something that sticks. Something that feels like self-expression.

Not for likes.
But… maybe (definitely) also for likes.
If I’m being honest.

It’s the space between wanting to vanish and wanting to be visible.
Between privacy and performance.Between self-expression and soft, low-key begging for that fake dopamine & validation thats seemingly so desperately craved.

It’s embarrassing to admit - and that’s exactly why I’m saying it.

We like to pretend that when we post, we’re doing it for the art.
For the connection.
For the vibe.

But sometimes, It’s just about wanting to feel real.Like: I matter, right? Right?
Wanting someone to confirm: Yes, you exist. I see you.

I think about that a lot.
Am I sharing this because it’s true to me?
Or because I hope it’ll land a certain way?

In moments of loneliness, I hope for that little piece of validation from a stranger.
A simple like to give the feeling of: Hey, I see you. You matter. Good job.

Am I self-expressing…
Or self-marketing?
Or is it purely a symptom of being lonely?

I don’t blame anyone for playing the game. The platforms are designed for it.

Validation is addictive. Dopamine is fast.

And let’s be real: The human brain wasn’t built to carry thousands of people’s opinions, insights, projections, and unsolicited feedback every time we post a thought. We weren’t wired for this kind of audience.

And yet, we keep doing it.
Maybe because we’re lonely.
Maybe because we want to connect.

But I also think there’s a deeper question in all of this - for me, at least:

If I stopped posting, If I didn’t share the moment, or the thought, or the song I love -
Would it still feel real?

It’s that old philosophical cliché:
If a tree falls in the forest and no one’s around to hear it, does it make a sound?

And in 2025, maybe the better version is:
If I experience something but don’t post about it - Does it still matter?

I want to believe the answer is yes (it absolutely is) I want to believe that a journal entry no one reads still matters. That a song I listen to alone at 2am or that achievement/milestone matters.That expression doesn’t have to be witnessed to be valid.

I’m not trying to be anti–social media.
I’m just trying to be pro-boundaries.

I’m trying to build a quieter relationship with it - for me, and me only.

Don’t take this as me slating social media or anyone who uses it. This is just a personal take.

Less performance, more presence.
Less “look at me.”

Some days I want to delete everything and go full hermit. Some days I want to be the cool girl with an animated profile picture, posting sporadically so you’re always wondering where in the world she might be. Other days I want to shitpost memes and everyday musings and hope it reaches the right people, because with the TikTok algorithm especially - it’s so easy to be met by the WRONG people.

“You’re not welcome in these parts, you’re on the wrong side of town”

At this point I don’t know which version is more honest to me -
maybe all of them are or maybe none.

What I’m trying to repeat to myself daily:

You don’t have to perform to feel seen and validated.
You’re allowed to keep some moments for yourself.
Unseen. Unliked. Unshared.

Still valid.
Still mine.
Still alive.

In honour of the performers who skipped the audition -

but still, somehow, got the part.

See you next week x